Copacabana

Dissed in the Malibu, not sure what to do

Alright, so I never had any intention of using this forum as my personal diary and hopefully I'll cut it out. But after I write about this because it's been on my mind...

Two young men I met recently gently informed me that I tend to batter people over the head with my personality, specifically my need to prove to people how smart I am. I felt pretty cruddy about this for a few days -- not because they told me (they weren't snarky about it and I asked) -- but because I had this horrible, sickening twist in the belly thinking I was like one of those people that you can't wait to be away from.

But here's the thing, like Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything (Lloyd, Lloyd, all null and void -- Bob I can hear you laughing), I talk when I'm nervous. And why do Lloyd and I do this?

Boredom people.

The particular instance I believe they were referring to had me martyring myself on the cross of fringe social behavior (well, not really fringe. I wasn't like hanging from the ceiling or anything. Just engaging in a bit of prodding and poking to get reactions). It had little to nothing to do with some pathological need to prove my genius (heh, heh); it just so happens that mental acuity was the game at hand -- quite literally -- and so it was how the shake-up manifested itself. What I mean to say is that "proper" conduct and social niceties bore the ever lovin' spit out of me. I think that's why I've always liked Jane Austen and whoever wrote Gosford Park. They are so adept at pointing out the insidiousness and silliness of social convention. And so, I shake it up if I can, even if it means becoming a pariah in the process. In the moment (especially after a few beers...) I search for a way out of a situation I feel suffocating by causing a mini-riot, which is a lot safer than say, shooting up heroin or being overtly promiscuous to name a few extreme examples of how other people deal with this need to rebel. Some people hate me for it. And some love me. And so be it. Amen.

At first, I thought this tendency was in direct contrast to my hatred of the drama that I posted about the other day. But really, it's not so much about the drama. It's about stepping out of the "supposed to." I was actually secretly hoping someone would chuck a lamp at me or something. Let's get this party started ya'll!

As I get older, I realize that little earthquakes are the safest way to rebel. Rumble, rumble. Sometimes it's hard to reconcile a conservative nature with the unmitigated need to rebel against the everyday. I'm certain there's a way to do it and I just haven't thought of it yet. But I will because, didn't I tell you, I'm a genius...


And, while irrelevant to the topic at hand, this just cracked me up:

(from Cute Overload)

[Blood-curdling scream]

posted by Lola @ 8:29 AM