Copacabana

It's funny because it's true

Alright, so I'm driving to work this morning (first day back after the holidays. Getting out of bed was a gradual slide into depression....) and I have the radio on NPR. Now, while I appreciate their willingness to cover the more interesting news stories, I am fully aware of the fact that they tend to pander to whatever news story the white man's burden- "How do I alleviate the guilt I feel for the relatively cushy life I live"- type listener might want to hear. This morning, they did not disappoint...

They did a story on Swarthmore College's efforts to "window" their new science center with glass that birds are able to see. Apparently the Pennsylvania college, that is, I believe, very near a dense forest (which used to cover the entire eastern seaboard. I think that is so cool...) has a bit of a problem with birds found dead on campus after head-on collisions with blurry and vague images of themselves. This is all fine and well and I commend the efforts of those willing to go the extra mile in trying to live harmoniously with the rest of the world -- it doesn't happen often enough. But here's why people don't trust the news --

NPR actually used hyperbole that stated the following: "Many birds have been killed by windows." And trust me, the tone of the report left no room to doubt that those bastard windows and their proponents hated birds and wanted them all dead! Down with birds!!! Here's a similarly-toned piece from MSNBC. Seriously, try to read it objectively. Betcha come away thinking windows are evil. They're windows, man! Inanimate objects! Whatever.

Okay, as a student of language (BA in English, man!) let me just say that using the active [ed note: this is actually a passive voice construction but does give the window an ability to kill...] voice in the personification of the window -- as if the window had any sort of dynamic ability to kill -- is just plain incorrect. And it's bad reporting. People know, you arrogant anchors, when they are being pandered to, and I feel sorry for those reporters who have convinced themselves otherwise. And yes, some may go along with the charade for awhile if it suits their particular agenda, but insincerity is generally resented in the long run. I'm just saying....

It reminds me of the news reporter I saw on CNN recently, with all his upper-middle class, perfectly coiffed hair gleaming under the studio lights, giving a report on a groundhog. The animal's owner had made the effort to have the rodent's teeth straightened in preparation for an on-camera celebration of groundhog day. And this reporter, the whitest man in America, his baritone-voice completely devoid of irony, looked at the camera and said, never cracking a smile: "He needed that teeth straightening. It looked like he was throwing gang signs before."

Jesus.

posted by Lola @ 9:18 AM